The scene:
on the set of the new hit Saudi show, “That’s My Baby’s Babba”. The creators of the show saved money on the set by recycling the old sets from the Maury Povich and Jerry Springer shows and painting some arabesque-ish stuff on them.
The location:
The location:
a TV studio in a neighboring Gulf country in which Saudi’s can indulge in bad behavior without the fear of repercussions at home, a long standing tradition of hypocrisy.
(camera zooms in on the host: a slightly condescending but intelligent-sounding washed-up actor from ‘70’s Egyptian cinema, dressed in a cheesy suit)
The host: Thank you viewers and welcome to another installment of “That’s My Baby’s Babba”. We have a great line-up planned for you today but first up, we have a heart-wrenching story from Um Shaniqua*. Come on out Um Shaniqua.
(Audience applauds and a completely veiled woman comes out from behind the set and sits)
The host: Thanks for joining us. I understand that you’ve been having a difficult time trying to get child support from your baby’s babba, is that’s right?
Um Shaniqua: yeah (she says while picking her nose beneath her veil), I told Shaniqua’s babba that he gotta pay up, but he ain’t given me a riyal.
(A picture of a pudgy cheeked smiling baby is shown on the monitor and the whole audience says a collective “AAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWW”)
The host: Awwww (looking at the baby’s picture) Oh, who could refuse such a sweet little baby ? Well, (looking back towards Um Shaniqua) we have the man you say is Shaniqua’s babba, come on out Abu Tyrone.
(A man with a ghutra wrapped around his face and sunglasses to disguise his identity struts out across the stage and takes a seat amidst boos and hisses from the audience. Um Shaniqua is being restrained by several large abaya-clad women as she tries to bitch-slap Abu Tyrone while shouting insults about his mother’s genitalia*.)
Abu Tyrone: Back off bitch, I don’t care what she says, we had a misyaar marriage. I don’t owe that bitch nuthin! How do I know that baby’s even mine? She had two other zawaj friends that I know about before me and a Mesfaar marriage to come here to tape the show!
Host: Well let’s see what your other wife has to say, audience…Please welcome Abu Tyrone’s second wife, Um LaQweesha.
(audience applauds as a very fat woman in a traditional abaya and veil storms out on stage, grabs Abu Tyrone’s agal off the top of his head and starts beating the him and Um Shaniqua. She’s eventually subdued amidst a torrid of insults from all parties targeting maternal genitalia back several generations.)
Host: Thanks for joining us Um LaQweesha. You’ve told our producers that you didn’t even know about Abu Tyrone’s marriage to Um Shaneequa.
Um LaQweesha: She actin all best friends wit me n all dat just cuz she wants my man. She told me her ex-husband’s her baby’s babba cuz she was pregnant before they separated.
Abu Tyrone: (To Um LaQueesha amidst boos from the audience) Baby, it cool like dat. Yeah it’s on the down low but it’s all Halaal baby! Baby, ya gotta know I got needs n all. I don’t wanna do something Haraam! Ya know ur the one I luv baby.
Host: (To Abu Tyrone) what does your first wife, Um Tyrone have to say about all this?
Abu Tyrone: She don’t know. I ain’t told her yet n ain’t planning too, she bein my first cousin n all dat. Me and Um LaQweesha got an “Urfi” marriage so I didn’t hafta tell her n she cool wit dat. And Um Shaniqua told me she wouldn’t say nuthin to no one cuz she just wanna get down “Halaal style”. She told me she got funds so I didn’t hafta pay.
(music starts playing and camera zooms back onto the host)
Host: It’s time for a short commercial message. After the break we’ll meet with Um Cletus who says her baby’s babba needs to move them out of their tent-park and fix his missing teeth or she’s going to leave him for his best friend, Abu Bubba . See you after the break.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Cultural notes for non-Saudis~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
· Babba = daddy
· Certain remarks about specific parts of a person’s mother’s genitalia is worse than saying, “F**K YOU!”
· Instead of saying Mr. or Mrs. blah blah, you address a person as Um (mother of) or Abu (father of) and their oldest child’s name. For example, Abu Abdullah is “Father of Abdullah” and Um Yusef is “Mother of Yusef”. This is usually a term of respect although it is sometimes used as a way to preserve anonymity and not give away someone’s name, especially for women.
· On a serious note, shows like Maury Povich reveal an ugly side of America-kinda like parading one’s trash on stage. But these types of marriages in Saudi Arabia, well….we’re heading towards the same complete disrespect of the family unit.
· Certain remarks about specific parts of a person’s mother’s genitalia is worse than saying, “F**K YOU!”
· Instead of saying Mr. or Mrs. blah blah, you address a person as Um (mother of) or Abu (father of) and their oldest child’s name. For example, Abu Abdullah is “Father of Abdullah” and Um Yusef is “Mother of Yusef”. This is usually a term of respect although it is sometimes used as a way to preserve anonymity and not give away someone’s name, especially for women.
· On a serious note, shows like Maury Povich reveal an ugly side of America-kinda like parading one’s trash on stage. But these types of marriages in Saudi Arabia, well….we’re heading towards the same complete disrespect of the family unit.
-Hey, Tash ma Tash...I have a copyright on this idea so be sure to put my pen-name in the credits if you take this.
Please refrain from commenting till you've read the ongoing commentary, every comment.....
Please refrain from commenting till you've read the ongoing commentary, every comment.....
29 comments:
how imus of you. was that your intention?
Truth be told, I only know of his existence because of some media buzz, never heard the show...have no idea if your comment's positive or negative, you'll have to tell me!
Ok, googled the name Imus...If your comment was to insinuate that I came off as racist in some way...nah! I'm an equal opportunity offender. Low class ignorant, immoral trash is trash regardless of color or ethnic background. This is meant as a blast on Saudis religious hypocrisy specifically, via a Saudi-ized parody of Maury/Jerry. The world's homogenizing and so's its trash.
And besides, that would be disregarding the plight of Um Cletus and the love of her life, the man with almost all his teeth, Abu Bubba. They're strategizing for the impending custody battle over the pink plastic flamingos that adorn the outside of the tent, with Um Cletus's soon to be ex-husband once she's done with her 'idda period after the divorce. She hopes that despite the flamingos being part of her Mahr (dowry), and since she's requesting the divorce technically she has to return them, he'd be willing to be compensated with with the set of Graceland commemorative plates in their stead.If that doesn't work, she's planning on swiping them when he's sleeping since he's so old, his hearing and sight's gone so he might not notice. She grieves at the fact that she was married off at the young age of 15 to such an old coot but her father forced her into it. Her father was offered a new gun-rack for his Chevy pickup, a Hank Williams Jr.'s greatest hits box set, and to swap tent sites to be closer to the coveted communal water spicket at the tent park in exchange for his daughter's hand. He claimed to be doing it for his daughter's own good....
LOL You are HILARIOUS! And absoltuely right when you say that people are the same the world over - especially the kind you parody here. I'm definitely going to send folks here for a good laugh - and some serious introspection! Thanks!
That was absolutely hilarious SSW! Tash ma tash so need to do an episode like this. And unfortunately so darn true. We are going in that direction. Saudi society is so effin misogynist its not funny anymore, or as they say in Arabic "the worst calamities are the ones that make you laugh."
If you are blasting Saudis, then how about Um Mohammed or Um Laila or Abu AbdulWahab Mohammed bin Mohammed bin Talal bin Mohammed As Sagheer As Sheik, then your post would be gut busting, side splitting funny.
As it stands you come off as a not very funny and offensive.
By using the names Shaniqua and Cletus, are you implying Saudis are trashy only because they are somehow imitating low class African Americans and poor whites?
Hmmm,wonder what you would say if you came across a show about an African American man named Fahd bin Ali al Hijazi who pays his Filopina maid slave wages, rapes her at will, his wife Umm Jameela beats the maid and generally ill treats her, all the while sleeping with her Bangladeshi driver between shopping trips to the souk adh Dhahab, meanwhile Baba never leaves home without his dhikr beads,never misses a prayer at the masjid,drives his Suburban to neighboring muslim country to drink his fill of Johnny Walker Red and give dawah to the Russian prostitutes.....
Dear Anonymous-
There was a geneticist on TV that once said, although there are those that claim we humans are related to chimpanzees because we share 98% of the same DNA, we must remember that we also share 60% of the same DNA with a banana.
Although there may be some similar characteristics to "low class Africans and poor whites" as you put it, the Maury/Jerry guests are in a class of trash all by themselves. They are those who not only choose to wallow in their self-imposed ignorance and immorality, but revel in it on internationally syndicated TV. Human beings are only loosely genetically related to them as they are a sub-species of human.
And as far as the names go, Saudi-izing Maury/Jerry-like guest names is a necessary literary device to emphasise the lowest common denominator amongst the two countries. Putting these specific Saudi social ills in the denigrating, freak-show, circus-like atmosphere of the Maury/Jerry shows, demonstrates the similitude of the complete disregard for family, love, marriage, and morals of ANY kind.
Oh, and the people you talked about in your comment...
"a show about an African American man named Fahd bin Ali al Hijazi who pays his Filopina maid slave wages, rapes her at will, his wife Umm Jameela beats the maid and generally ill treats her, all the while sleeping with her Bangladeshi driver between shopping trips to the souk adh Dhahab, meanwhile Baba never leaves home without his dhikr beads,never misses a prayer at the masjid,drives his Suburban to neighboring muslim country to drink his fill of Johnny Walker Red and give dawah to the Russian prostitutes....."
...You must have read the program line up for the Saudi version of "Inside Edition" called "Inside Munafiq (hypocrite)".
you are correct. i did find your post to be racist. if your intent was to highlight issues in saudi society why then
(a) would you choose names ("shaniqua", "tyrone" and "laqweesa") that are commonly associated with african americans instead of names more commonly associated with saudis; and
(b) use "african american english vernacular" in your dialogue instead of ESL/foreign vernacular?
regardless, i doubt that mocking muslims, saudi or otherwise, would have been funny either.
"O people! Behold, we have created you from a male and a female and have made you into nations and tribes to that you might come to know one another. Verily, the noblest of you in the sight of God is the one who is most deeply conscious of Him. Behold, God is all-knowing, all-aware." [Qur'an 49:13]
Ok....I didn't think it is racist. Those are the types of people who are on the Springer/Povich shows!!!! It's not racist. That is a fact. Notice she mentioned loosely about TRAILER PARK trash who can be white black or purple. You people are too damn sensitive.
anon:
interesting, but typical, usage of "you people". thanks for the insight, or lack thereof. maybe "you people" are too insensitive.
Dear Muslimahlocs,
"You people" could be a collective group, without insinuating racial backgrounds.
The majority of my readers are NOT in the US and therefore the rules of PC lingo that have gone too far, are not applicable. Such uses have to be forgiven.
a) MAURY/JERRY names, the 60% rule listed in the above comment is applicable here.
b)African American vernacular? The people in my parody couldn't string together enough words to make an intelligible sentence. Once again, trash is trash, regardless of color. We're talking Maury/Jerry guests.
What's ironic is the amount of time I spent in England assuring people that Springer wasn't indicative of AMERICAN culture. They weren't generalizing about color, they only saw the parade of stupidity and ignorance and so am I.
As far as the surah from the Quaran that you listed, it's in my blog in my Saudi-ness post
Dear SSW,
You said:
"Low class ignorant, immoral trash is trash regardless of color or ethnic background."
I could have detected the stench of Saudi trash without the comparisions to "Laquisha" or "Tyrone" or "Billly Bob" or "Becky Lynn."
You also said:
"Although there may be some similar characteristics to "low class Africans and poor whites" as you put it, the Maury/Jerry guests are in a class of trash all by themselves."
What I really find interesting about your post is the American trash you poke fun at have absolutely NO awareness of God, while your Saudi thrash say La ilaha il lalah, play with the religion of Islam, use and abuse Islam to oppress and fullfill their desires.
I think that make them first class trash and subject to greater punishment.
"would you choose names ("shaniqua", "tyrone" and "laqweesa") that are commonly associated with african americans instead of names more commonly associated with saudis; and"
Gotta admit, muslimahlocs, I waited until I got to the end of the post and concluded the references were to Jerry Springer guests, in general.
@ Anon: "What I really find interesting about your post is the American trash you poke fun at have absolutely NO awareness of God, while your Saudi thrash say La ilaha il lalah, play with the religion of Islam, use and abuse Islam to oppress and fullfill their desires.
I think that make them first class trash and subject to greater punishment. "
Just because people say they're religious doesn't make it so. For many Saudis (and Muslims around the world)actions that the average N. American interprets to be 'religious' are simply behaviours with more basis in culture than theology. The two, culture and religion, become so intertwined, even the person in question does not know where the line begins and ends. A great deal of what's socially wrong in KSA today has more to do w/ misinterpretation of their own faith and the implementation of cultural norms in the name of religion above all else. Generally speaking, the 'use and abuse' you reference is simply ignorance, and I don't believe intentionally done.
Dang SSW - Looks like you opened a can of worms here!
Here’s my two-cents on the whole PC issue - Aggressive political correctness is just one more way of making sure one group is set aside and outside the mainstream. Equals are allowed to speak candidly, remember, while conversations between superiors and subordinates have a decidedly different tone.
If you notice, PC is never an issue when "members" talk about their group, only when "outsiders" have the audacity to use the same language. No one calls rappers racist when they use the N-word to talk about themselves or their group, yet let an outside even think the word and all hell breaks loose! Or another way of saying it, when was the last time you needed to be politically correct when talking about your own group? Do you even think of it? I seriously doubt it.
PC rules in America today not because folks are trying to actually BE more tolerant but because they're trying to SOUND more tolerant in a classic CYA move. The language may be artificially sweetened, but it’s like pasting on a smile that vanishes the minute the crowd passes by – totally ingenuous.
As for folks who fixated on the names rather than the content, I can only say you missed a good lesson in tolerance.
Bravo S.
This is a real -growing- problem, that should be addressed and not hush hushed with the old "we're Muslims how dare you!", then turn around and desecrate the term.
I'd slap some regular Saudi names on that and send it to Tash Ma Tash.
Dear Anon,
Once again, the emphasis on their Maury/Jerry-ness wouldn't have been their had I used regular Saudi names.
And I completely agree with you, "Saudi thrash say La ilaha il lalah, play with the religion of Islam, use and abuse Islam to oppress and fullfill their desires.
I think that make them first class trash and subject to greater punishment."
You are absolutely right and these are repeated themes in my blog.
Thanks Cairogal and Samsara, for your re-emphasis on the issue and your cultural insights.
SIME reminded me of the Seinfeld episode in which Seinfeld suspects his dentist converted to Judaism just so he could get away with cracking Jewish jokes.
I think you guys are blowing this PC ticket out of proportion.
SSW's intent was a parody of the Springer/Pauvich style shows with a Saudi twist. Those are the kinds of names that pop up in these shows. Using any other names (much less Saudi ones) would've diminished the effect. Why these names occur a lot isn't the goal of the parody. It's goal (if SSW will permit me) is lambasting the Saudi situation using a well established medium, no matter how disgusting we find the medium itself.
I'm all for sensitivity, but when a message needs to be communicated we must not let the hurdles of fabricated political correctness bar our way.
I loved the post! It was absolutely hilarious!
Anon:
"What I really find interesting about your post is the American trash you poke fun at have absolutely NO awareness of God, while your Saudi thrash say La ilaha il lalah, play with the religion of Islam, use and abuse Islam to oppress and fullfill their desires".
Do you think that this never takes place in Saudi? Are you not aware of the mass amounts of hypocracy in Saudi? I don't think SSW is demeaning Islam rather degrading the trashy people who's actions demean Islam by leaps and bounds every day!
Anyway, thanks SSW for your post, it was a great laugh. I enjoy that you show humor while shedding light on the reality of Saudi.
Sara
Dear SSW,
You said:
"Once again, the emphasis on their Maury/Jerry-ness wouldn't have been their had I used regular Saudi names."
I disagree.
Sand Gets in my Eyes you said:
As for folks who fixated on the names rather than the content, I can only say you missed a good lesson in tolerance."
The hilarity and objective of her post are not lost on me. I just think it should have been Saudi-ized completely. It would have been funnier to ME.
Anyway back to our regular scheduled programming.....
7pm My Baby's Babba which should be renamed Big Love(Hab al Kabir) starring Ali Ash Sheik from southside Mecca. Watch and learn Mormons!
8pm Inside Munafiq: Fun Run to Bahrain
9pm Suvivor-Eastern Quarter: From sipping lattes in Riyadh shopping Malls to eating goat intestines in the dessert.
10pm The Nanny For Mamas: Why is my little Zi-zou more attached to the maid?
11pm Wife Swap: You are divorced!
12pm Extreme Makeover: Makeup application Tips and Tricks
That is all.
Looking forward to your post on Over head Abaya vs. Shoulder Abaya.
Well, all I have to say about the situation locally, is that we are in desperate need of comedy.
People in the society are too stiff. They need to laugh more. To develop versions of what is funny, whether it is simply laugh out loud, or more complex and "satirical*"
Though Tash-ma-Tash is considered immature by many, and most Ramadan shows, having more shows would improve the over all quality, and create further competition.
Screenwriting is an area that needs work. As for Saudi females, it is a job that NOBODY can argues against, because they can practice in the comfort of their homes and submit electronically if they wish!
While cineman, and T.V. was a male establishment until now in almost all countries, what if we managed to break the pattern ;)
*satire according to wikipedia and most people teaching satire (like I studied it last quarter also):
A very common, almost defining feature of satire is a strong vein of irony or sarcasm. Also, parody, burlesque, exaggeration, juxtaposition, comparison, analogy, and double entendre are devices frequently used in satirical speech and writing – but it is strictly a misuse of the word to describe as "satire" works without an ironic (or sarcastic) undercurrent of mock-approval, and an element at least of anger.[citation needed] Satirical writing or drama often professes to approve values that are the diametric opposite of what the satirist actually wishes to promote.
Bwahahahahahahahaahaha
Good grief people, get a grip, this was comic geniousness at it's finest, coming from hers-truly in the heart of the pure arabian desert. *grinning*
Forget racism, anyone who can travel into this part of the world, STAY here, live here and thrive, and write introspective words of love and criticism about mankind in general - including those indigenous to this region - is hardly racist.
Quit the semantics and enjoy the ride - the lady can write and it's a trip to read.
Keep it comin' SSW lol, you even had my daughters giggling at this post - amidst the sobering thoughts behind it, which also weren't missed.
(Btw, "anonymous'" writeup of the program lineup was a grin-and-a-half too, esp the "fun run to Bahrain" loool, having just come from there, I'm amused. Sadly so.)
*clap clap*
"I am not a racist" either.
-Imus
The funniest part:
Out of everyone who's called me a racist because of this post, not even one of you knows my complete ethnic and socio-economic background. Even if you've met me, you don't know unless I've told you specifically, and you wouldn't be able to guess correctly. You'd all be surprised. But I've held my tongue (or rather restrained my typing fingers). Instead, I've tried to reason with logic and not play my race card. But obviously, logic is lost on many.
Wow! This is so hilarious, I couldn't help but laugh out loud! Just *discovered* your blog by accident via a diff blog. sf
i was really enjoying your blog, up to this point when i read this...i was sadden by your choice of reference this isnt about PC or political issues..its about making reference to a particular group in which YOU know (since you lived in america) have always been rediculed and hated...you should know better has a Muslim what it means to be stereotyped because of what a few do
there are many african american sisters and brothers who are good people and try so hard to get rid of the stereotypes
you have to understand, if you had a black daughter who was a good child, student, didnt go out with bad company and virtuous...would you want people to paint her or her race in a negative way?
dont get defensive, just take this as a opportunity to learn...dont mock people when you have no idea what they have been through
I am american too (Yemeni) and i have a 4 yr old daughter that is half American American
you used african names in ur joke not saudi
why? because you know people will think its funny when they see African names because of the stereotype that african americans are like the way you described
so the fact that you used african names not saudi proves you know very well what you were doing
you were not making fun, you were actually promoting a stereotype
all the other saudis who think its funny, next time you should laugh too when you are stop at an airport security when outside saudia or when people watch you with hostile faces when ur out with family
"ha ha" very funny still, right?
I'm gonna need to slap a disclaimer on this one:
Warning- Don't comment unless you understand the concept of PARODY and SATIRE.
I am American Native American. Never in my life have I seen so much hatred & bigotry than here in Mid-East of which has also been directed at me! So all of you people who are pissed off because you feel offended by this blog should take a hike. I don't believe for a second that any of you are innocent of stereotyping or looking down on someone because of their race, tribe or color! Heck, people here are racist against their damn people. They won't marry this person or that person because they are from a certain tribe or their skin is too black and list goes on.
I'm planning on addressing some of these issues in a future post "Plural Identities of Al-Hassa". People's real thoughts on race come out when it's time for marriage! Oh, the stuff I've heard.
I don't need to imagine Saudi's reactions to you as a Native American, I've seen it. At different times I've mentioned my lineage and that there's a "Hindi Ahmar" in there (translation: red Indian, the term for Native Americans in Arabic). Some people are more polite than others but it's NEVER good. I have a few other friends here with the same "ingredients" but I've never asked if they get the same reaction.
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