Saturday, February 23, 2008

Name and Shame

I propose a website, called "Aayb Alayk" (Shame on You), which would name and shame the Kingdom's bad boys.

Ladies, next time you’re receiving unwanted attention, whip out those mobiles and start filming them in action. Extra points will be given if license plates are clearly displayed in the film or if the culprits give their names. We can then upload these incriminating videos to the Aayb Alayk page.Any type of bad behavior can be filmed as long as its done in the public sphere; stunt driving in traffic as well as flirting are just a few of the possibilities.

Why should we let them get away with chasing us at high speeds in their shiny sports cars, endangering our lives while trying to shout their numbers at us, even when we are accompanied by our men in some instances? Why must we feel compelled to avoid certain shopping centers and malls because it’s a well known flirting gallery?

In what must have been a busy day for the MIB-Men In Beards (aka Muttawwa), 57 men were nabbed in Meccan shopping malls for trying to harass and/or flirt with women.

And girls, I know not all of you are innocent victims of male aggression. You know who you are, Miss Pops-Open-To-See-My-Miniskirt-Skinny-Abaya with your toxic applications of perfume, come-hither eye-makeup and your crippling stilettos. And we know you don't have your period even though you spent Maghrib prayer while the shops were closed primping in the Mall's bathrooms instead of praying. I'm not addressing you, you irreligious hussy. I'm speaking to women who aren't soliciting this type of attention from men.

Arm yourselves sisters, with your cameras.

36 comments:

Mama Kalila said...

Miss-Pops-Open-To-See-My-Miniskirt-Ababya (I hope I got that right) made me laugh. I have SO seen that!! Well.. I've seen it w/ tight jeans... When I was in Zanzibar (and a couple times in Moshi, but was much worse on the island). I called it the "Slutty Muslimah Look" (no offense to anyone but that's how it hit me.) I brought back several abayas that I'd bought & wore one a couple times that way too (not all the time, I wear em correctly if I have a reason too or want too) I'll admit... but I'm not Muslim.

Umm Ibrahim said...

Assalaamu alaikum,
Sounds like a great idea, problem is though that 'aayb-alayk.com.sa' would probably be completely inundated!

I laughed at your abbreviation: MIB! lol

littlemissmuslim said...

You are hlarious daisy! And right on target too!!

Cairogal said...

In the UAE men who are found harassing women have their photos and family names printed in the local Arabic-language papers. It doesn't stop them entirely, though w/ such a small Emirati population, no better deterrant than shame.

Lalla Mona said...

LOOOOOOOOL @ MIB
I heart you daisy!
You know from my family's (lovely)point of view, It's ALWAYS my fault! no matter how innocent I am :S

Saudi Stepford Wife-Daisy said...

mama kalila- "the Slutty Muslimah" look hits the nail on the head! I have to admit, you made me go to Wikipedia to look up a couple facts on Zanzibar. The Omani mom of our Emirati friends was born there and had to prove her "Omani-ness" in order to gain citizenship- that's about all I knew of the place. This is why I love blogging!

Um Ibrahim- And we'd need someone from outside of the country, untouchable by Saudi "connections", to maintain the site so it wouldn't be shut down if we caught a royal or someone with "wasta"(connections).

littlemissmuslim- Welcome! THanks for intro'ing yourself.

Cairogal- Emiratis make up such a tiny percentage of the population. Most of the bad behavior I witnessed in the Emirates was by Saudis, as the Emiratis are probably pretty used to all of it by now. Hey, I got another idea, a cash prize for anyone who gets the guys mom to see the video, LOL!

lalla mona- I've been tailed by men while pushing my children in a stroller, wearing a HUGE head abaya (read black tent), AND wearing friggin gloves for God's sake!!!! No seductive giggling or "soft talk" either!! Usually my height (1m77) turns off most flirters because I'm so much taller than them but even with all those deterrents, they still try!? I don't even want to think about what cuter (more petite) women go through.

Umm Yusuf said...

Assalaamu Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu Sister,

Mash'Allah I love reading your blog! You know, this is so odd to me. You would think that in a Muslim country or even among Muslims you would feel more secure. But honestly, I have to say non muslim men don't give me a second look or come onto me at all (I know real shocker! The muslimah wear is a huge deterent for them). However, Muslim men have made attempts at flirtation and have serious problems lowering their gaze. And I wear very conservative hijab w/khimar and very loose abaya/jilbab nor do i try to chat them up. So, I'm not inviting it.It's all very dissapointing......

Nicole said...

If I knew how to do it I would set the darn thing up from here in Jordan. We have plenty of candidates around here as well. Though I had a run-in with a couple dudes from the UAE who were in Amman and they were sizing up my ten year old daughter and I let them have it.

Saudi Stepford Wife-Daisy said...

Um Yusuf- Unfortunately, many Muslim men, mostly of Arab and East African descent as Desis and other Asian Muslims seem more polite in my experiences, see a covered sister and view her as halaal meat. Once I started covering in my late teens in America, western men became as polite to me as they are with their grandmas but "Muslim" men started hitting on me left and right. I've been chatted up too many times by "Muslims" in England and America, even while wearing a nikaab!

Nicole- who knows, I may just take you up on the offer:-)
I know visiting Gulf Arab men are a notorious for their bad behavior towards women in Egypt, Syria, Jordan, etc. They have an overblown sense of entitlement and think that the women there are part of a buffet for their consumption. But towards a 10 year-old!!! She's the same age as my daughter!!! Glad you set them straight.

Nzingha said...

something tells me I would have the most uploads to the site :) Sadly most women don't say a thing when the pervert zones in.. I say be loud and they'll find the giggling I want to be flirty and chased down in the mall all day girl, or the ultra in heat middle aged mama who has her own place to get down in, to pester.

Suburban said...

Daisy,

What a totally kick-ass idea. Shall we host it on blogspot? Can I be an administrator?

WHat is the deal with the Aabya Turn-on factor? Is it a challenge? Are we wrapped up like christmas presents? What?

Five or six years ago it was my first Ramadhan working for my former Omani boss, Juice.

I'm sitting in my office, and it's the first time ever he'll see me looking like a respectable, modest young lady instead of a cranky, fast living, godless harlot. No makeup, Hijab correct, super baggy abayah.

Juice rolls in the first morning of Ramadhan, looks me up and down, and says "Suburban? Hmmm... You look really hot like that."

I was all Whaaa? Wha? What? I'll never figure it out.

Welcome back Daisy. We've missed you.

Saudi Stepford Wife-Daisy said...

nzingha- an american guy I worked with back in the States in his early 20's went to work in the Emirates for awhile after finishing an Arabic degree. He's a shy white guy, non-Muslim, but boy oh boy did he came back with tales of middle-aged abaya-clad Khaliji women trying to pick him up. The tables were turned as HE was complaining about feeling like a piece of meat:-D

Suburban- Gypsy Rose Lee, the famous stripper back in the '40's, was famous for NOT taking it all off. Even though there were raunchier than hell strippers out at that time who were no-holds-barred, she was much more popular than them. When asked why she, a stripper who remained at least partially clothed, was more popular she replied,"bare flesh bores men,".

Mama Kalila said...

Yeah since Zanz was part of Oman for a long time there is still quite a bit of it's influence there... The thought of proving "Omaniness" is kinda odd though!

While I was there I covered, just more comfortable doing so honestly... Most people were more polite/respectful.. but I'll admit I did get hit on a lot. Some of it I laughed off, made me feel good honestly cause I wasn't used to it (and still joke that if I ever need to boost my self esteem I should go back) but one of them... Still creeps me out... He didn't just whistle, look me over, or say I looked nice - he literally asked me to have sex with him. I would have been happy if I'd been "uncovered" but the fact I was made me feel even dirtier about it.

Mama Kalila said...

Woh.. .I'm glad I reread my last statement...

I WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN HAPPY if I'd been uncovered... Not would have lol. Either way is gross.. but still!

ME said...

One advice to deter those guys, take off your niqab. Once they see that you are not Saudi, they will not show any interst (you will still get the stares, but thats because it is the Saudi national pastime). Saudi males (if I may call them that) seem to think that they have a right to every Saudi female, wither it by flirting with her if they are horny animals or by trying to tell her how to dress properly if they are horny religious animals, no matter what the relationship to the female is.

Saudi Stepford Wife-Daisy said...

mamma kalila- he must be a member of the international group of "Creeps Without Borders", they operate in every country around the world apparently:-P

ME- No niqab won't help, remember that not all Saudi women veil. Also, I'm usually guessed as being of Turkish decent, and Al-Hassa used to be a Turkish controlled area so some prominent families in Al-Hassa are of Turkish origin (white/European-looking). However, you do have a point. One of my friend's sister (Saudi) used to dress in a khimar over a shoulder abaya with her nikaab, something mainly foreigners do, in an attempt to have avoid the creeps and do you know what...worked like a charm from what my friend reports. But then I may attract those flirters who think that since I don't have a Saudi family, I'm a free agent and they can flirt with me as they please without consequences...I've known that to happen to some of my non-Saudi Arab friends.

Turtles Pace said...

Well, one time, when I was living in Bahrain, I was wearnign shalwaar kameeze with no hijab and a saudi man pinched my buns and my then waki paki hubby saw it and whooo whooo...let him have it. My waki paki wanted him arrested. I filed charges....

Nzingha said...

Daisy- the tales I can tell you about the Saudi gals who are now being hired by aramco for various positions. Some of them get hold of the jawal list and just start calling any guy with a good position. Married... no matter "I'll be your chick on the side" my lunch outings are complete of sightings of the daters from Aramco.. sad sad sad.

Saudi Stepford Wife-Daisy said...

turtles pace- "waki paki", ROFL!!! I lived in Bahrain for 4 of the most miserable months of my life. Mainly because as soon as the Saudi weekend came around, I couldn't go out anywhere on my own. The "bad-boy" factor goes through the roof as soon as they're outta sight of the civilizing forces in their lives.

Nzingha- I believe it, but give my husband a lesson in "things aren't as rosy and Islamic as you think". When talking about spending time in the States, my husband is actually worried about the "bad" influence it might have on our girls while I'm maintaining the WORST influences are right here at home, in the Kingdom of Hypocrites and Denial.

Mona said...

Interesting stories! Cat calling is the Egyptian national pastime, and I see it's spread all over the Mideast. Is it because they are depraved? bored?

Anonymous said...

I have no idea who told these guys that staring is ok. It really pisses me off. I remember telling this guy at the souk, "WHAT????". He actually blushed and looked away. And at the other place at the mall, I just shouted at the guy and told him to go after his sister or daughter and what a shameful "creature" he is. :D sf

Molly said...

Word up.

Saudi Stepford Wife-Daisy said...

mona- it must have been passed on by all the Egyptian ex-pats who were brought over as teachers and skilled labor:-P

sf- I didn't know these cretins had it in them to blush!

Molly- :-)

MommaSpaz said...

I am a Canadian, living in Canada, and I think it is part of the whole eastern culture. I am hit on CONSTANTLY by anyone of the eastern race. Either on the phone, in person, in passing, etc.

I was told today I had a beautiful name, and a beautiful voice, and was asked if I had a husband, all because I answered the office phone!

Saudi Stepford Wife-Daisy said...

mommaspaz-lol! you must have quite a voice! In my experience, Italian men were up there with Levantine Arabs and Egyptians but still not as aggressive as Gulf Arabs.

Liz said...

Love your blog, but never commented. I'm a bit annoyed about your miniskirt-abaya comment. I see that women are still to blame when men can't control themselves. Men will harrass/rape women no matter what she is wearinf. After all in Saudi they can only be showing SO much anyway...

Saudi Stepford Wife-Daisy said...

liz- I in NO way imply that what a woman is wearing is an free-pass for would-be rapists and harassers however, there are very definite ways that a woman in Saudia will alert men to the fact she is open to the idea of hooking up. For one who lives within the culture, these signs are easy enough to pick up on, such as the "falling-open" abaya and eye make-up that drag-queens would consider too much as well as direct eye-contact (maybe some winking)! These are the ones I'm talking about and it is an obvious to both genders what her intention is through her mannerisms as well as dress. Not all women are angels and there are many who WANT the attention so they follow that formula to get it. However, because girls who send out these blatant signals are part of a minority, young men take pot-shots by shooting hopeful advances at any and ALL women, hoping one will reciprocate.

The fact is, if I don't want to have sex with my husband, wearing a teddy will be sending him the wrong message as it's understood that wearing a teddy is a type of invitation. Likewise, in this country it is culturally understood what signals indicate a desire to flirt.

I hope that clears up MY intentions for you:-)

NHStitcher said...

I just read this, WAY too funny. I'm an American living in Jeddah with my American husband, I'll have to remember this next time I'm out and about.

Saudi Stepford Wife-Daisy said...

nhsticher- welcome to my blog! Sorry it took so long to reply:-(

ASL DUBAI said...

Hey,

Read many comments here but are you guys suggesting how we can move out of these issues.

There is a problem and it must be addressed with speed it deserves.

Anonymous said...

sand_sparkles

Couldnt stop laughing wen i read this.
I live in saudi and it does make me puke wen i go 2 Jeddah (heaven for the ones who want to flirt around)
and i see all those made up women and men, on the pull yuk.............

His Sweetheart said...

Such an idea sounds terrific!!
The problem is that when being harrassed bey such stupid animals,some girls might get angry and start shouting so , there won't be a chance of videotaping them or even taking a picture!! Other girls might panic by doing so if the guy noticed it since guys these days are so crazy when it comes to ruining their reputation. Albiet, they don't fear on those girls reputation at all!!

You are so right about such type of girls too. I really don't know what is all the colored abays fuss!! What I know is that we have two types of abayas. A regular one for everyday life, so simple without decorations. The other type is the kind of colored one, sleeves only, which people wear at occassions and weddings!!

True, it's becoming the girls' fault these days not only the guys. I have seen alot in shopping malls and restaurants talking to guys and moreover giving numbers which would surely be the SAWSA number their parents would never know about!!

Khadijah said...

Asalaamu Alaikum,
Great Idea I must say, I find it odd that Arab men not all but I have to say it is mostly within Egyptian and Gulf Arab communities are very misbehaved, I don't know if it's the mothers spoiling, or sense of entitlement, but it's their in fact they only get worse when they come to the west, for instance I live in NYC near Astoria so the big Muslim community is Steinway St, which unfortunately I can no longer go to a certain section of even though I wear niqab because it's overrun by Egyptian hookah shops with those very same See my Miniskirt abaya type women inside.(YUCK!!)and they stare and I've just decided I'm only going anywhere near there to go to the masjid and only when I need to, my Mr. man hates it, and Another friend's husband has pretty much forbidden her from going. Of course when my MR told me about the Saudi men I was inclined not to believe it but some of them are really bad from what I have noticed, he always get's angry when Saudi's come up in conversation and other gulf Arabs,goes on tandems about how they just come to Morocco and pick out girls and take them to hotels, and how they treat other Arabs horribly. I must say he sounds a bit bitter, but at the same time he say's and I tend to agree that the Saudi's are the best at explaining Islam. I think that pretty much describes the Saudi Dichotomy does it seem that way to anyone else? Of course I'm not Arab and am a revert and am a Niqabi so to me I tend to see more positives in Saudi than he does. For instance I told him the other day how great would it be to live close enough to drive( be driven) to Mecca Everyday SubhanAllah I would love it he gave me A point for that.But i don't know just someone on the outside looking in.

Salaam's Khadijah

Anonymous said...

Indian men r no different when it comes to staring... but they don't bother those who r wearing abayas.

Bradly Jones said...

Lovely blog. Travelling has always been my passion and dream. Haven't been here. Yet. Although I am a big fan of the UAE, I feel out-dated when reading interesting posts like this.Women in the UAE are getting a higher status in society than some 20 years ago. this is good.




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Robin said...

I've heard this is a big problem - camera phones are a great tool for showing the truth and should be used at every opportunity. Pop the photos online and shame these men.

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Call Saudi Arabia