Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Domesticating Saudi Men Must Start Early


Someday, my future daughter-in-law will thank me for this.
Update: apparantly not everyone is able to view the pic of my sweet little 1 year old boy "cooking" in his sisters toy kitchen. Gotta love the internet here!

33 comments:

Anonymous said...

You kidding me, no why :)

Ali

Saudi Stepford Wife-Daisy said...

Ali- Just remember, "if mamma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy". Even my father-in-law (God bless that sweet man) tried to wash dishes from time to time and he's practically blind!

Sprite said...

I know a woman who had to buy her boy toddler a toy iron and ironing board. It seems he'd seen...errr the houseboy...ironing so many times, he wanted to join in!

Sarah Ouadghiri said...

Wow, it's so true. My son loves to cook and will help me build furniture from IKEA and work on big projects. Why? Because I made it like a game and made it worth it for him.

The reason the men are so helpless is because we let them be helpless instead of insisting that they contribute to the household as children when it can make an impact.

You are right, Daisy, you will have a grateful daughter-in-law. May I commend your efforts and thoughtfulness..

Sarah

Lalla Mona said...

ermmm its blocked (the pic) :S

Saudi Stepford Wife-Daisy said...

sprite-awww!

Sarah Ouadghiri- too many women coddle their boys/men into thinking their little Kings and entitled to their servitude.

Lalla Mona- I was having the same problem when trying to look at what must have been hilarious pics on Nzingha\'s
blog about kinky lingerie. Gotta love the internet here, eh?

Michele said...

Ok, mine is blocked too. Someone want to fill me in?

أبو سنان said...

Daisy,

You are right. Too many Saudi boys are taught they are king and refuse to do anything to help themselves.

Sad fact is, having known many Saudis male and female here in the states, it goes for both. I have met many Saudi females who do not know how to cook or clean because they had a nanny and a maid to do it all back home.

They come here on the scholarship on their houses look like ghettos because they lack the ability to wash, clean or even pick up after themselves.

Of course I am non Saudi, but my wife's Arab friends just look in awe when they see me change diapers, feed the babies, put them to sleep, give them baths. Heck, I even cook well and do dishes.

All things that they could never expect from Arab men. It is kind of sad, if you look at Hadith and the Sunnah of the Prophet you'll find he cooked, did house work and help his wives out.

I guess it is easy to bang on about "the Sunnah" when it comes to having multiple wives, but not when it comes to helping your wives.

That is a cute picture, Masha'Allah!

s said...

Your future DIL will definetely thank you. And you are also setting up your son for his own future. Daisy won't always be there to do his work. My husband grew up in a typical arab home but alhamdullilah, he helps me out alot here,cleans, bathes and even cooks, well, now he's too busy so I do understand that. sf

Carol said...

waaahhhh...is it blocked for those of us in the Kingdom? I can't see it either so I guess you will have to visually describe this image to us Daisy!

American Bedu

Saudi Stepford Wife-Daisy said...

Michele & Carol- like I said to lalla mona, I'm having probs viewing pics on other blogs although this pic is showing for me (although pics on my own blog haven't always come up in the past). I put a cute pic of my baby boy "cooking" in his sisters' toy kitchen, back view of course, but I can assure you he had a huge grin on his face.

أبو سنان - a favorite story in my in-laws house is about when DD's uncle asked his new bride (in her late teens) for a cup of tea, she didn't know how to boil water!

sf- DD lived on Domino's pizza and was lucky enough to move in with someone who liked to clean when he was studying abroad as a young man, otherwise he would have starved while wallowing in his own filth in America:P

Nzingha said...

alhamdulillah for the high cost and faulty service of ORBITs sattelite internet.. I can view them :)

Bravo for you breaking him in early. Jihad loves to cook and can really clea rather well. Of course Mr. Man didn't do half bad a job when we were first married.. now it is blown all my hard work. Between maids and my MIL blaah to them all.

Lilliy said...

I cant see the pic. too bad but from what I understand.. I salute you! you go girl!
p.s. any pic I post on my blog from my camera is blocked too..

Aliyah said...

Good job, Daisy! And cute pic masha'Allah. Yes, your daughter-in-law will appreciate your efforts! Not to mention that it will make your son more self-sufficient which will actually help *him* in the long run - many a young man crumbles without "mummy" when off at university ;) . IMHO, I think some mothers do not teach their children (& husbands) independence because it boosts their own low self-esteem and gives them a feeling of self-importance to have a family excessively needing them (i.e. when mum is sick or away, everything is in chaos). Just my thoughts...

I agree with Abu Sinan about some people picking and choosing the type of Sunnah they wish to follow. I think it's not just Saudis but a lot of Arabs who let their mother and then their wife coddle and pamper.

RE: male chauvinistic remarks. I have heard that male chauvinists act the way they do because, like men who buy huge cars, they are compensating for something in which they lack *wiggling my pinky finger* LOL @ him.

Anonymous said...

Aww... that's cute.

It is true though, boys do have to learn to depend on themselves for domestic duties. Otherwise, you cripple them.


fatima

Raven/Missy said...

Daisy,

I want to thank you for this blog. I have always been curious as to women's lives in other countries. I've told many people that I do not think people are all that different despite where they live as we are all human beings. Your blog has confirmed many of my original thoughts and answered many of my questions which in turn changed a few of my opinions. For this, I am very grateful to you. Thank you again!

Your son is beautiful, and yes your future daughter in law will thank you. It is not just Saudi men who think they are "kings" to be waited on, many American men are the same way.

Mona said...

That's what I'm saying! We have to raise the new generation to pick up after themselves, clean, cook and be self reliant. A lot of men here are raised with their mother and sisters doing everything for them, its unnerving! A sister will make her brother tea. Why can't he make his own damn tea?! I hope our sons keep cooking and stuff because they want to and don't get poisoned from outside infulences in middle eastern society, InshaAllah.

Lynn said...

I have pictures to prove that my son has been groomed to be THE best husband. I am going to be very selective when choosing his wife (kidding).

Pictures of him washing the floor with a rag while still in diapers.

Pictures of him around 2 years old standing on a chair washing dishes.

Pictures of him at 3 or 4 years old, standing on a chair at the stove so he can stir the pot.

Pictures of him handling his baby doll with much love and tenderness.

Of course he also grew up with his dad doing all those things even though he had been raised to believe that 'boys don't do women's work'. Fortunately it didn't take much for me to convince my husband that what his father told him wouldn't fly in my house.

MommaSpaz said...

I am so glad I found your blog! I am so interested in life in other countries, especially in the middle eastern parts. There are so many assumptions made and not all of them are correct, and I am all for breaking down the barriers of cultures. What a refreshing way to do that!

Umm Khalid said...

I also cant see the pictures.. Here or on Nzingha's page. The wonders of Saudi internet!
I am also one the is letting my kids know that they have to carry their own weight in this house. I am the only female living with 5 sons and a husband (who is also Saudi) Not to mention that I also work full time outside of the home. No Way am I going to be the only one running behind everyone here! I refuse!
Slowly but surely, Alhamdulillah, they are learning. Dishes and laudnry are being done and all of them love to help with the cooking.Some nights they cook the dinner on their own. Now if I could just conquer the bedrooms!

When we first moved here it was hard for my mother in law to see that my husband did things for himself and I wasn't always running behind him. Yup he surely does know how to put his own dishes in the sink!! And I am proud of that!! :) (you'd have to be married to a Saudi to understand that is a huge thing!)

Cairogal said...

Maybe the govt blocked the pic for fear of some sort of social revolution in which Saudi men actually started doing some work around the house? .;-)

Cãmê£ C®úšhê® said...

I cant see the pic either.

Why cant men do what women do? What's wrong with that..LOL

Are we created EQUAL?

Mona said...

CairoGal, you crack me up!

Anonymous said...

You are talking about Saudis men being not very helpful in kitchen, in house cleaning...etc. But may I remind you that you Saudi women are not of help even to your own selves.

You are lazy; you depend on maids to clean, to wash, and to look after your children. You depend on restaurants to bring your family meals.

I bet that 75% of you Saudi wives have maid at home who do everything for you while you sitting on your soft sofa. Have you ever ordered your maid to bring you a coup of water while you were watching your best TV show? Got my point?

When I was young, I saw my mother cleaning, cocking, and taking care of all things related to the family home. Our new Saudi females generations are very soft; they want money...hell a lot of money to buy makeup (my sister just last month bought sunglasses for 1500 SR, she still student!), to buy new cell phone with all this fancy mostly not going to be used features, they want dining outside…everyday, they want shopping…a lot of shopping.

Please do not talk to me about making Saudi men better at home, please go fix yourselves up first.

Signature:
Poor Saudi man married to a Saudi wife.

Cairogal said...

Anon,

YOu must be unaware of Saudi Stepford Wife's true nationality.

Saudi Stepford Wife-Daisy said...

nzingha- I wish I could afford internet service from a foreign provider, maybe then I could buy bras off the internet again(all sites are blocked for me) so I wouldn't have to buy from those cheesy stores like on your blog:-)

lilliy- I wonder if we changed the settings on our pics if that would change things..hmmm.

aliyah, Fatima, - You're right, no one's doing them any favors by coddling them.

raven/missy- You've picked up one of my intentions for my blog- we are all more alike than most like to admit, people usually focus on the differences.

mona- "poisoned" is so accurate. I'm so glad the ex-Turkish parts of Saudia (like Al-Hassa) didn't pick up other foreign bad habits like the Turkish tradition of making women walk in back of them. How un-Islamic!

lynn- Good job! Apparently we're cut from the same cloth:-)

mammaspaz- (cool name!) Welcome to my blog and I look forward to your future comments.

um khalid- 5 sons, mashallah! There's an Arabic proverb that goes, "happy is the woman who gives birth to a daughter first". THe idea is that she'd have someone to help her. The most miserable housewives I've met are the ones with all boys so I'm happy you've raised yours sans the "little prince" complex.

Cairogal- like the Iranian claim, "there are no homosexuals in Iran", they want Saudi men to keep thinking there are no men in Saudi who do housework, LOL:-)

Cãmê£ C®úšhê® - apparently we are only equal in Allah's eyes because in this dunya...well...

Poor Saudi man- what kind of divas do you live around?! THe way you described your mom is the way most of the women that I know live, doing all the work necessary for their families with their children helping out sometimes. Even most I know who do have maids, the maids don't cook or manage the kids. Do I know divas like the ones you've described? Yes, but I don't get along with women like that so I don't keep them as friends.
As for myself, there were two main reasons I got a maid (but I don't have one now)- (1) I don't have my mom or family around to help me out with my kids who are still young and I needed help after the addition of a third (my younger girl requires a lot of attention because of her special needs) and (2) newer houses are enormous here (bigger than the one your mom managed no doubt) and I can't spend much quality time with my children or husband once I'm done with all the heavy cleaning that's required here that doesn't exist in western houses and my kids are still too young to help out.

Cairogal- even though my American mom taught me to be very self-sufficient, I think anon's comment was very stereotypical based on his corner of the socio-economic scale. God knows the neighborhood where I live, things aren't so posh!

UmmAbdurRahman said...

Great picture! My son is four and I've been training him good as well, but actually it wil be no different than what I will make my daughter do inshaAllah.

I work overnight(since my hub is gone) so I only do dishes and cooking during the week. On saturday we do laundry, vacuuming and other house cleaning. He picks up all of his toys, puts his dishes in the sink, and even helps me vaccuum. I want my son to be self sufficient. There may not always be time when he has someone in his life to help whether it be a mom, wife, or roommate. He's got to be able to hold his own.

In my opinion, these types of things are shameful for men. I would say that many if not most men help around the house in some way, but would not dare to talk about it outside the house.

I do the majority of the work in the house when my husband is home, but if he's just lounging and I'm at work you beter believe he will do the dishes, or the laundry, or cook something. Not because he has to but because marriage is a partnership and sometimes you have to do things that aren't exactly enjoyable to make the other person happy.

Anonymous said...

You saudi women sound like Bahari.
I hope Iran comes and kills your feminist asses.

Mona said...

Who peed in anon's cherios? Daisy,I tagged you for a meme, visit my blog and check it out!

The DP said...

salam alaikoum
astarghfirullah sister, what is up with the child labor? lol j/k

what is up with these uptight men doing anonymous drive bys? that last one, i wonder if it was his wife, sister or maid who peed in the cheerios. obviously he didn't pee in his own because he doesn't know where the bowls are.

always in the kitchen said...

Hi,Daisy Just found your blog.Some things in life truly transcend boundaries.Most of the red-neck southern males in this neck of the woods could use some serious training in domesticity!

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I'm doing that with my son, too. But my husband (a Saudi) insists he'll become a gay. What-EVA!!!! I don't do gender stereotypes, and I'll be ding dang damned if my son orders me around like my youngest BIL does with his mama. He even calls her in to turn his AC on-even when he's sitting right under it. I suppose gender apartheid does have it's advantages, cuz that's the ONLY thing protecting him from a sound throttling, hehehehe. I see girls as young as seven helping around the house, while their little Princelings sit on their cushy thrones playing video games (the more violent the better) all day. Then the wives complain how their husbands are incompetent, C'MON, WHAT do you think they got that way magically?

milkshakeaf said...

I am an American woman dating a Saudi man. He cooks and cleans. Even when he is over to my home, he will cook. All the Saudis that I know here can take care of their own domestic needs. They are all student here living on their scholarships. Many of them, my boyfriend included, are from wealthier families. But they are not overly spoiled.

I am not much of a cook. I keep my home fairly picked up; as much as expected from a college student anyway. I am always appreciative when the Saudis make chicken and rice :) dajaaj

If my Saudi boyfriend thinks of himself as a King, then he definitely thinks I am a Queen. I'm not sure how he was raised, but his mother obviously did something right. He is more competent in the kitchen than I am... if Americans don't want to cook, we pop frozen food in the microwave lol.

Cute pic :) I think the men should cook. Men have this "I am the provider" attitude, so they can provide me with a home cooked meal lol just kidding! Seriously, when a man cooks the food tastes so much better. It is because they are not expected to cook, so when they do they put a lot of love and care into what they are preparing.

Like I said above, the Saudi men I know are not lazy and worthless in the home. They are very clean too. Islam promotes cleanliness :)