Wednesday, September 12, 2007

How the Grinch Stole Ramadan

In imitation of Dr.Suess, “How the Grinch Stole Christmas”


This “Daisy”
Before marriage,
Liked Ramadan a lot

But then DD,
Who only eats food from Saudi-ville,
Apparently did NOT!

DD made her dread Ramadan!
The whole Ramadan season!
Now, please don’t ask why. No one knows the reason.
It could be that his gut wasn’t digesting quite right.
It could be, perhaps, that his belt’s fitting tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his belly’s not at all small.

But,
Whatever the reason,
His belt or his poo
He becomes the Grinch during Ramadan, and makes Daisy blue
Staring down at Daisy’s food with a sour, Grinchy frown
At the warm, cooked meal below as he tossed a fork down
For he knew every Saudi during Ramadan ate tons of food
And his wife’s low-cal food puts him in a bad mood

“And they’re making lugaymat*!” he snarled with a sneer.
“This food’s not for Ramadan! It’s salad, my dear!”
Then he growled, at his wife he was looking
“I MUST find a way to keep Daisy cooking!”
For, during Ramadan, he knew…


…All the Saudi kids don’t sleep at night, instead,
Would stay up till bright and early. Then rush to their beds.
And then! All night noise! Oh the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
That’s one thing Daisy hated more than the cooking, THE NOISE!

Then the Saudis, young and old, would sit down to a feast.
And they'd feast! Not pray more, just feast!
And they'd FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!
They would start on custard, and greasy, fried samboosa**
Which Daisy wouldn’t cook cuz of the DD’s large karsha***.

And then, they’d do something most important of all!
All good Muslims in Saudi-ville , the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with the Qur’an blaring
They’d stand shoulder to shoulder, and the Muslims would start praying!

They’d pray! And they’d pray!
AND they’d PRAY! PRAY! PRAY! PRAY!
And the more Daisy thought about Ramadan and prayer,
The more Daisy thought, “I’ve gotta grow me a pair!”
“Why, for 11 years I’ve put up with it now!”
“I MUST stop DD from demanding so much chow!”
“…But HOW?”

But hungry DD had a different idea!
An awful idea!
THE GRINCH GOT A WONDERFUL,
AWFUL IDEA!

"I know just what to do!" The Grinch Laughed in his throat.
And he made a decision “on me she must dote”.
And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Grinchy trick!
"I’ll have an attitude problem, I'll act like a big dick!"
"All I need is a threat..."
The Grinch looked around.
But since Daisy’s so mellow, there were none to be found.
Did that stop the old Grinch...?No!
The Grinch simply said,"If I can't find a threat, I'll make one instead!"
So he called his Mom, and his older sister too.
And he told them “From Daisy’s cooking, I’ll soon be dead”.
After whining to his mom, he went to her house to feast!
He devoured so much food, he resembled a beast!
He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash.
Why, that Grinch ate every last bit of their hash!
And the one speck of food
That he left in the house
Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.
Then
He did the same thing
At his sisters’ houses
Leaving crumbsMuch too small
For the other families’ mouses!

He stuffed all the food in his big mouth with glee.
"And NOW!" grinned the Grinch, "I’ll make them pity me!"
And the Grinch told his mom, “Daisy’s food really lacked”

That’s how Daisy’s Ramadan got hijacked.
He turned her month into one long cooking spree!
With so much hard work, there’s hardly time for prayer free.
It was quarter past dawn...
All the Saudis, went a-bed
All the Saudis, went a-snooze
This is Ramadan since Daisy wed
It’s been a life of baking! Frying! Chopping!
No energy left, even for Eid shopping!

And the Grinch, with his grinch-belly bloated with grub
Has caused Daisy to bite her nails to a stub.
About Daisy’s cooking he constantly nags,
And of his mom and sisters he frequently brags.
Because of DD appetite, Ramadan’s such a chore
Trying to concoct things she’s never cooked before.
Her culinary creations, the in-laws now abhor
“What a bad wife she is for the son we adore”

And what happened then…?
Well…in Saudi-ville they say
That DD’s jelly-belly
Grew three sizes in one day!
And once his belly didn’t feel quite so light,
You’d think he wouldn’t take another bite.
Rather than grazing all night, he could go and join prayers,
To save his soul and forgo angry Daisy’s stares.

The End



Boy am I gonna hear about this when DD reads it LOL!

Inshallah yours will be a more Islam-centric Ramadan.

*A fried desert traditionally eaten during Ramadan.
** Similar to Asian “samosas”…deep fried pastries with meat or cheese filling.
***Jiggly belly.

30 comments:

Saudi Jawa said...

ROFLOL!!

That was bloody brilliant :)

I too dread Ramadan for what it does to my kirsha. I've never been very strong against the temptations of sambosa, custard, ma'soob and the rest of Ramadan's delightful (yet cholesterol rich) cuisine.

Anonymous said...

Hehehehehe! I just know this guy here(Toronto)who expects atleast 8 different dishes. Now, that is just too much!I have had ramadhan in Dubai and it was crazy, though my cousin tried to put her kids to bed by 11pm, alhamdullilah, it wasn't so bad. We went out for shopping and it was just crazy,here by 6pm during winter, everything is so quiet and peaceful, atleast you can do your prayers quietly. Have a blessed ramadhan and GOOD LUCK IN SERVIVING THIS RAMADHAN, LOL! sf

Sam said...

That was hilarious; and as much as I'd hate to admit, true as well. It's an all too familiar scenario in most homes during Ramadan: the same routine; Su7oor, sleep, work, sleep, futoor, dinner, sleep...repeat cycle.

Although never had a karsha before, I plan on getting one once I visit KSA this Eid; lots of dishes I've been missing. Btw, I heard the price of rice went up; don't think that news fared well with the kabsa loving population.

أبو سنان said...

That is TOO funny! I think it goes a long way to explain why Ramadan really isnt about religion anymore.

Who ever heard of people GAINING weight during a month of fasting? But when you eat all night and sleep all day it would be hard to not gain weight.

We are supposed to hunger so we think about the less fortunate, but the way people eat they are probably thinking about Tums and the other people who ate too much and have stomache aches.

Ramadan here in the West? It is really Ramadan here. We cannot sleep all day and eat at night. I eat, go to sleep, probably dont wake up for su7oor, and then work all day.

Doing that and keeping prayers? THAT is Ramadan.

Toobaa said...

I really like this and love the concept of your blog! Stepford is a place I can wholly relate to, and I'm not even married yet!

Ramadan Kareem :)

hema said...

genius!

Cairogal said...

CLASSIC!! LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Umm Yusuf said...

LOOOOOL SOOO FUNNY!!!!

Organic-Muslimah said...

hilarious :D

Ann said...

Assalaamu alaikum,

Abu Sinan, I know there's no point in challenging your constant, inaccurate, sweeping generalizations, but... Do you really believe what you write? That in the Muslim world, no one works or goes to school during Ramadan, and they all sleep all day? While in the West, everyone is a REAL, perfect Muslim?

Just for the record, office and school hours a shortened a little, but people still go to work and school. The people who work outside still do it, and the kids go to school and have tests and have to play sports in P.E. class. And that's in temperatures which are still reaching 110-115F... What's the high temperature where you are - about in the 70s?

We're having some rooms added to our apartment, and the Egyptian workers tried to work the first day of Ramadan. They came after fajr - before 5 a.m. - and worked until about noon, but it's about 110F by that time. So they asked for bright lights and said they wanted to work at night - and I guess they sleep during the day. Do you think you're so much better than them?

Lamya said...

I say trick him. Last night i baked the sambosa in the oven,they were perfect.I made the filling from low fat cheese(feta mixed with mozarella),onion and spinach:-). And then some grilled fish. And gem squash and pumpkin filled with lightly sauteèd peppers,onion and topped with mozarella,herbs and baked in d oven. Oh and brown rice. Dessert was yoghurt pudding. Fat free yoghurt,low cal jelly (nly 1 cup water,nt 2) and dairy free cream,mixed together and popped in d fridge.He had a fantastic time.Tonight he is having stir fry:) and for dessert baked apple with cinnamon and dairy free cream.:) for more low fat cooking ideas email me: uzzibabe@hotmail.com.

Lamya said...

And the custard?Try fat free milk.

Saudi Jawa said...

Ann,

But Abu Sinan does have a point. Ramadan in many Muslim countries has deviated from its original form. It's not just about the shortening of work hours, its the almost universal lack of productivity during the day in Ramadan. While people in this culture may not exactly sleep all day, they do stay up all night. Mostly eating or watching their favorite Ramadan TV serial. They arrive at work tired and sleepy. Productivity naturally plummets.

The fact that Ramadan is better observed in western countries isn't because Muslims are better over there or because it is cooler. Its simply because the culture over there isn't accommodating to the usual Ramadan vices. It's just business as usual over there, forcing you to lead a healthier and thus more spiritual Ramadan life.

Saudi Stepford Wife-Daisy said...

Saudi Jawa- I've only eaten two samboosa so far, and intend to keep it to that weekly minumum.
I agree with you on your second point completely.

sf- that guy sounds like my husband!

Sam- Food in general has gone up in price. But it's not as pricey in Al-Hassa as in the rest of the Kingdom, even the Qataris flocked here to buy food before Ramadan to save money.

أبو سنانThe excess irks me as well as the lack of productivity. One friend of mine gains at least 6 kilos on her tiny frame every Ramadan.

toobaa- welcome, and Ramadan Kareem to you!

Hema- I can't imagine your food isn't dripping in oil these days too. Afterall, I've noticed a general "fried" theme during Ramadan amongst many ethnicities.

Cairogal, Um Yusuf, Organic- we're my kindred, raised hearing Suess, spirits.

Saudi Stepford Wife-Daisy said...

Ann- I'm sensing some bad blood between you and Abu Sinan LOL!
On this point I have to agree with Abu Sinan because unfortunately, I haven't seen many Saudis getting on with life during Ramadan like Muslims from other cultures like what you've described (although I know they're out there). I've watched as Saudi men have sat, still stuffing their faces, as the masjid is making the iqama for Magrib prayer. Then they proceed to pray at home (if at all). I'm not just referring to my husbands family as I've seen my fatherinlaw eat a bit then promptly go out to catch prayer. I've gone into my children's school during Ramadan and several of the teachers are sleeping during class while the kids play! I'm not talking about dozing in a chair either...I mean laying down and snoring with a cover over her!

My hubby and I married in America a month or so after Ramadan and I promptly conceived my first child. Our first Ramadan together I was about to deliver (she was born on the 20th of Ramadan) and I wasn't fasting because of blood-sugar issues. Trying to be a good little wifey, and having not growing up in the "culture", I asked my husband to give me his Ramadan menu requests. I was appalled to say the least! Rice and meat at 5 in the morning!!! 5 different types of fried food for Fatoor!!! I was waking up at 3 in the morning to cook him rice and chicken/meat everyday before he began his fast. Then I arrived in Saudia and saw them digging into rice, having not slept the whole/or most of the night hanging out with friends and watching the latest tv programs produced just for Ramadan (not in deep spiritual contemplation or prayer) and dozing the whole next day! All the Muslims that I'd been around previous to arriving the the Gulf only made small increases to amount of food consumed as well as SOME special foods. But here, it seems like Thanksgiving Day everyday during Ramadan.
I know back in the day, traditionally people didn't do this. They'd sleep after taraweyyah prayer and wake for suhoor with a nap in the day...not sleeping for over half of it. It seems to be all about stuffing one's face with more food during the night hours than they'd normally consume in a few days time. I'd even asked my hubby one time, "why is everyone so afraid of feeling hungry that they're gorging themselves like this?".

I know that during Ramadan in the west, because we were the minority and had to conform to the majority non-muslim working hours, many muslims take fasting and Ramadan very matter-of-factly. For example, I had to break my fast on a PB&J sandwich and juice box and pray Maghrib in an empty room across from my lecture room during university in England because my lecture overlapped fatoor. I finished eating a proper meal when I got home.
Not all western Muslims have it so cushy all year round. In a few short years, some Muslims in the uppermost part of the UK in Scotland will be fasting from before 3:00am until after 10pm during June months!
I don't have a problem with a siesta, or to special Ramadan foods. But like many, MANY things here, Ramadan is taken to the extremes in my experience.

Saudi Stepford Wife-Daisy said...

Lamya- if I begin to care more, I may just send that email LOL! But you're talking to a marriage-hardened veteran and DD's dug his pudgy heels in on the food issue, just like burger king- he has it his way!

Lamya said...

Oh man!I feel sorry that you have to cook everything,with the kids and the degree to finish.You must be exhausted.*quicky dhls some frozen sambosa,a rice cooker,lugaymaat,ma'soob,various assorted 7alawa,just heat then ready to eat meat and chicken* sorted.:)

أبو سنان said...

Ann,

I know you have a personal issue with me and that is fine. But anyone who has spent any time in the Middle East knows that Ramadan is a period of time where NOTHING happens.

Look at Bahrain, a MP there just proposed a law to legally say that people can only work 4 hours a day during Ramadan. It is currently only six hours during Ramadan.

This is NOT what the Prophet intended. Spend all night eating, watching Tash MaTash and then sleep a good portion of the day, only to repeat it again.

Dont get me wrong, I love Tash MaTash, but I also like to try to do Ramadan right. In the Middle East the celebration of Ramadan has almost become what Christmas is here in the West.

What are we having tonight for iftar and meals? We are having Sherba Ramadan, small sandwiches and salad. When I get up for sa7oor it will be oatmeal and juice.

Then I will work for 9 hours and commute for 2 1/2.

THAT is what Ramadan should be.

أبو سنان said...

Jawa has it spot on. It has become a culture thing much more so than a religious thing.

As to the treatment of foreign workers in Saudi, dont even get me going there. Of course they work hard, they have to. Head to Egypt during Ramadan and those who dont have to work dont.

I have been in about half a dozen Middle Eastern countries during Ramadan and the story is always the same.

hema said...

I can't imagine your food isn't dripping in oil these days too...

actually, my parents are very health conscious, so fried food during ramadan is soemthing we've never done. i do realise we are probably the exception in the asian community!

i posted some suggestions for ideas for food, that might be of some use to you x

poetic muslim said...

LOL
aww I do feel sorry for you , I would go mad and rip hair out if I had to put up with something like that , does your hubby know about your blog ?
I really want to ask you this hope you dont mind , do you ever feel suffocated living saudi as a woman?

Lalla Mona said...

Ahahahaha the best post for the year LOL.

Hopeful said...

ROFL...mashaAllah sis, you really have a way with words. That was brilliant!

I just refuse to cook alot during Ramadan because it just ends up going to waste,and if I spend the day in the kitchen when am I going to get time for my ibaadah and reading qur'an! Most days I just make shorbah (soup) and sometimes bureek or pizza on the side. If I'm in the mood of chop chop chopping I'll add a side salad to this.

I honestly dont know how people can stuff themselves during Ramadan, or eat a cooked suhoor, well other than fried eggs if needs be!

May Allah reward you hon, and give you patience! Tell DD he'll end up with gallstones if he keeps eating fatty foods ;-)

musulmana said...

assalamu aleikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuhu,

Ramadan Mubarak!

I don't even want to get into the discussion on the social issues in Saudi, but I will tell you :

YOU ARE ONE GREAT POET!

I don't "digest" poetry very easily. I mean, it has got to be interesting, clever, catchy and smart for me to read people's poems through to the end.

I think you should send it to get published in one of the Islamic magazines here in the US. Send it to Islamicity, or Islamic Horizons.

It is very clever and it does make a point that needs to be made.

May Allah(SWT) grant you good deeds in all that you do for your family just as if you were praying long hours! Insha'Allah, there is barakah in your Ramadan regardless.

musicalchef said...

HaHa, that's hilarious!

I just came across your blog. I just moved to Jordan, in a pretty conservative neighborhood, and the Stepford analogy has crossed my mind a few times. I've only seen the new one with Nicole Kidman; I'm not sure how different it is from the 1970's version.

I thank God at every meal that my husband is probably the least picky eater I know, cause I know other sisters who are in your situation and it definitely does not sound like fun.

Saudi Stepford Wife-Daisy said...

Hema- looks good (but I couldn't comment for some reason on your blog).

poetic- sometimes it does feel like there's a hand on my throat. Not every woman has to deal with the same issues I do, some have it worse, some easier. It truly depends on the "males" in your family and their attitudes which determine how much room a woman has to breathe. That's the only real constant...it all depends on the men here.

Lalla Mona- thanks sweetie!

Hopeful- you're more like me. My husband can't get over me eating toast to break my fast.

Musulmana- Thanks for the great compliments, but I don't think I'm able to mind my manners long enough to write for Islamic mags:P

Musicalchef-welcome to my blog! the '70's version is so much more political and translates to the average woman. Keep thanking God, my dad is like your husband so I was completely taken off guard after marriage!

Suburban said...

Daisy,

Woman, you kill me! Absolutley brilliant. You should be compiling some of these entries into a book. I'd buy one.

It's pasta around here seven nights a week at the moment. Also, We keep Papa John's Pizza and Curry house Delivery on speed dial all month.

Anonymous said...

hey.. im just curious as to where your originally from??

and its a cute poem, but i think its a bit rude to portray ur husband like that to the whole world.

Saudi Stepford Wife-Daisy said...

suburban- I think it's about time I call information to get some local delivery numbers too for the last part of ramadan.

anon- my husband is directly involved in my blog and reads all my posts as well as the comments as well as commenting occasionally himself. As far as my background you can go to some of my older posts here
here
and here

Anonymous said...

Seems like the whole point of Ramadan is missed when one stuffs their gut.